Looking Forward, Looking Backward
by TheSkyIsCyan
Summary: Losing Rin will the be worst mistake that Shima has ever done. Rin is trying to move forward but Shima won't let him. Rated T for now. ShimaxRin and minor pairings.
1. PROLOGUE

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ao no Exorcist.**

* * *

**Prologue**

Rin sighs as he stares at the wind blows fervently, banging heavy snow onto the window.

It's Christmas and Shima is not here. He's probably going out to the nightclub (like always), drinking Vodka (like aways), or banging some girl up (like always) with the lousy excuse that he's buying some fucking grocery.

Rin sighs again. Shima is a cheater, a god damn fucking cheater and Rin doesn't know why he doesn't have the guts to call of the relationship.

_That's because I love him_ thought Rin. _I love him so, so much._

Ever since Rin and Shima got together, Shima wanted to have an individual room just for him and Rin. At first Rin was against it. Living with Shima would mean leaving Yukio all alone in an entire dormitory and there was no way Rin would allow that. But Shima was persistent and finally Rin agreed to live with Shima only if they stayed at the same dormitory where Yukio was. Rin and Yukio lived in room 602, the 6th floor. There were 10 floors in the dorm and Shima wanted to live at the peak of the building. So Rin packs his bags and moved his belongings just a few floors up… _Just a few floors up _thought Rin.

Rin stares out the window again hoping any chance to catch a glimpse of Shima returning to their dorm. 20 minutes passed and no sign of Shima.

A third sigh in defeat and Rin gets up on his legs and move to the couch. He flops down like a doll and stares at the ceiling for a while, tail wrapping around his waist.

His chest hurts and there was only one person who can fix it. Tears leaked out the corner of his eyes and soon he was whimpering. The whimpers turned into silent sobs as Rin thought more and more of Shima.

How is going to live like this? Living everyday, pretending it was okay for his lover to come home smelling like perfume. As if it was okay to believe that Shima went out to buy some groceries. As if it was okay that Shima sometimes slurs the names "Anna" or "Beni" when he sleeps.

The tears dried up and Rin was tired. So, so tired. Tired of crying, tired of lies, tired of everything.

But he loved Shima. _That's right. I love him so, so much._

Rin grew sleepy and slowly closed his eyes.

He wonders if Shima knew Christmas was today.

He wonders if Shima had forgotten him.

He wonders if Shima knew his birthday was coming up.

* * *

**Good? Bad? Please tell me. R&R Plz.**

**This was more like a test run for me to see how works. (Like submitting stories, finding where to do rating or summaries)**


	2. The Underlying Truth

There wasn't much in the prologue, so I'm releasing this ASAP.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ao no Exoricst

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**CHAPTER 1**

**The Underlying Truth**

Shima was dressed simple. He has a white t-shirt on, black jeans, and unusual purple converse shoes.

He looked up to the open skies and breathed deeply, tasting the snow. The night was so fresh, so crisp; it sends adrenaline through his veins.

He was in the red light district and walking down the brick alley, Shima reaches a pub. The neon lights- "Blue Moon Pub" was fading and the letter "O" was about to fall. Nevertheless Shima walks in, ignoring the customers and walks to the back of the pub. There is a grayish, dirty door- faint noises could be heard and the smell of alcohol hangs in the air.

Two guards in black suits stood in front of the door.

"ID card please," said one of the guard.

Shima pulls out his ID from his back pocket and shows the guards. The guards narrows their eyes suspiciously, but step aside the door. They are paid handsomely and don't really care whether the card is real or fake.

With a wide grin, Shima pulls the door open and enters the nightclub.

* * *

_a random day..._

_Shima woke up with Rin in his arms (No, they didn't have sex). He looked at Rin in pure adoration as Rin was mumbling something about sukiyaki._

_Shima shifts his weight on one arm so he could play with Rin with his other arm. In the sunlight, Rin looked so peaceful and Shima just shifts some strands of his hair behind Rin's ears. Then he cupped Rin milky skin in his hand and caress the smaller boy's features with his thumb. Sometimes Shima would nudge at Rin's neck like some sort of mother cat._

_Shima did this every morning, not that Rin noticed. When he finally had to get up, Shima squeezes Rin a bit, earning a small gasp for air, then tilted Rin's head to the side and give a soft morning kiss._

_This was bliss and Rin was his in body and soul and vice versa._

_Shima would change his clothes, brush his teeth and give Rin another kiss before he walks out the door._

_But that was before._

* * *

"I'm Natalie"

"Shima"

"Do you want to dance?"

She saw him at the bar alone and decides to test her luck. Shima took a look at her. Tall and tan. Nicely fit into a one-shoulder, black rhinestone dress. He could see her breasts, at least a D-cup. Her blond hair is sweep to one side and falls to her waist.

"Fuck yes."

Shima was definitely one of the better looking guys in the club. His rustled sex hair and tones muscle turned heads. It's no wonder that only he received the sexiest ladies at the club. Some women tried to get close while others knew their place and watched from afar.

His age was not a problem. Though sixteen, Shima has slept with hundred of women; older women, younger women, blond, brunettes, whatever. Also, Shima had a reputation as a talented lover.

After the quick evaluation, Shima dragged Natalie to the dancefloor. With Natalie's back rubbing against his chest, Shima slid his hands around Natalie's body. Their bodies moving in slow circular motions, both trying to arouse the other. Their soon pace accelerated,turning it into a wild dance, both moving faster and faster as the heat and the noise overcome their senses.

As they were being lost in their movement, a drunkard bumped into Natalie, knocking her on the floor. With a slurred apology, the drunkard helped Natalie to her feet (though he had problems helping himself to his feet), then give Natalie his half-empty Vodka as compensation. Another slur of "You're pretty cute", the drunkard slips to the ground, unconscious.

"Fucking drunkard."

Natalie laughs out loud, chugging the Vodka into her system and offer some to Shima who did the same. The two resumed to their dancing. Wild, ecstatic movements went on for hours, both starting to feel high from the drink. Somewhere in the heat, the two locked eyes, eyes they saw that were clouded by lust.

"Shima...," breathed Natalie

* * *

_3 months ago..._

_"Rin, have sex with me."_

_"... WHAAAT?"_

_"Have sex with me."_

_"No. Why?"_

_"Because I love you and I can prove my love to you like this. I need to be with you."_

_Seeing how Rin isn't getting it, Shima sighed and grabbed Rin's arms and pulled them down on the sofa. He leaned down and nibbled on Rin's neck, leaving a bitemark. Rin immediately pushed Shima away._

_"OWW! WHAT WAS THAT FUCKING FOR?"_

_"To show other people that you belonged to me" answered Shima quietly._

_Shima grabbed Rin's arms again, stronger this time, on to the sofa. He held Rin's arms in one hand above Rin's head, the other hand rubbing onto Rin's side. Rin was struggling but Shima wouldn't allow it and silenced Rin's shouts with a kiss. With his free hand, he unbuckled Rin's belt and pulled his pants down. Rin's eyes doubled in horror of the feeling of his pants and boxers pooled at this ankles. Loud muffled sound filled the air as Shima grabbed Rin's manhood and started pumping._

_This wasn't Shima. This was a stranger trying to take his virginity away because he has needs. Rin was scared and struggled fervently but it was hard when there was another man pressing on his body._

_Things became violent when Shima slapped Rin roaring "WILL YOU JUST STOP?"_

_And Rin did became quiet and still. He didn't understand why Shima was like this. No, Shima was fun, caring, and witty. He was gently and relax so how did Shima turned into this lustful beast?_

_Tears leaked out went on when Shima entered his digits into him, wondering what in the world happened with Shima. This wasn't right. Things weren't suppose to happen like this. Rin didn't felt ready to have sex with Shima and here was his lover trying to force himself on him. Eyes scrunched in uncomfortableness, Rin tried to stop his racing heart hoping that things would stop._

_Suddenly, things DID stop, Shima stopped. He hugged Rin, mumbling "I'm sorry" and walked out the door._

_The next day, Shima stayed late at a nightclub._

* * *

Natalie and Shima are entangled in a sweaty, sticky mess on the bed.

There is a love hotel, coveniently near Blue Moon Pub. (Dang that manager. Must have known the best place to build hotels)

"Faster! Faster! Faster! Oh FUCK!" cried Natalie as Shima pulled in and out in an abnormal rate. With one final thrust, he spills his seed into her.

He pulled out of her and laid next to her trying to catch his breath.

"That was the best. You're one of the best fucking partner I've ever had" gasped Natalie. Shima said nothing.

The two stayed silent, both pondering about their own lives that they were meant to return to. Many people had condemned the red-light district but the place offers an opportunity. A temporary freedom for those we needs to escape responsibilities and let loose for awhile. People hook up with others all the time, it's no biggie. It's only when hookers started to develop real feelings is when life becomes more dangerous. Good thing both of them knew their limits.

After a moment, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"During the sex, you were moaning about a person named Rin. Is he your lover?"

Shima smiled. Natalie wasn't a slut, she was good person who lived an ordinary life but came to the red-light district to relieve her stress. She wasn't jealous, but just someone who was simply curious about his life; Shima could understand and respect that.

"Yes. Rin is my everything. I would do anything for him."

A silence. She was definitely confused. "If you loved him so much, then why did you have sex with me?"

"Rin is only sixteen like me. But he isn't ready to have sex, couldn't bring himself to do it. I almost forced myself on him once. I still need sex in my life though, that just the kind of person I am." Shima's voice chocked a bit. "I know that he knows that I'm cheating on him and it hurts him every time. I tried to change for him, I really did, but it was too hard."

"There, there.." Natalie gently pats Shima's shoulder though it was kinda awkward because she was laying on the bed. She wanted to comfort Shima, but there was nothing she could say. Cheating on your lover is wrong from every angle possible.

Shima slowly gets up. Puts his clothes on, greets Natalie goodbye, and walks out the door.

* * *

Rin was sleeping. Or at least he was trying to sleep... and failing terribly. It was 3 in the morning, his tears has tried up a long time ago.

So Rin turns on the T.V and watch late night slows. One of the show was a dumb comedy about some dumb couples.

_"Dumb couples... dumb couples... dumb couples... I like that."_

Somehow Rin find the show soothing, and finally fell asleep.

* * *

Writing fanfiction (thought I didn't write alot) has brought me under new lights. Made me realized that I need to appreciate other people's writing more. Not that I didn't appreciate it, it's just that I didn't know why people upload so slow or people giving up on their stories.

Wow... I feel bad. I'm not usually the person who says "fuck". I felt it was necessary, but I definitely feel bad.

I also realized that I'm a slow writer. This sucks.

R&R Plz.


	3. Lie

Disclaimer: I do not own Ao no Exorcist

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**CHAPTER 2**

**LIE**

The next few months went on like usual. Rin walked in cram class with Shima hand-in-hand with a huge smile on his face.

As if Shima had never cheater on Rin before. But it was too late to act on that now. Rin never bothered before so there's no point bothering it now.

For Rin, it was better to keep problems low. If Shima acted that nothing had happened, then neither would Rin. And a nice, fat smile on his face is the proof. Anyways, that was how life was for two years.

And it's not like their life became worse. A few weeks ago, Yukio finally brought his courage out and confessed to Shiemi and Rin was happy for Yukio. Rin had always been worried about Yukio being alone ever since he lived with Shima. Now, Yukio lives at Shiemi's place.

Damn… now its only Rin and Shima for an entire dorm. Not that Rin is complaining but, he missed living with Yukio. _"Ah, well. Life just moves on,"_ thought Rin.

Overall life was improving. Despite Shima going out almost every fucking night.

But one day the doorbell rang, then everything happened so fast.

* * *

Rin and Shima was cuddling together in front of the T.V. It was one of occasional situations that Shima stayed at home at night. Rin's eyes were glued to Jack and Rose who were clutching at the tip of the sinking Titantic ship. Shima's eyes were glued on Rin.

The doorbell rang and Rin got up to get it, Shima sighing as his object of affection left him.

"Um, hi. Are you lost?" Asked Rin who found himself looking at a brunette lady.

"Ahaha. I hope not. I hope this is right place. Can I come in?"" The brunette laughed a good-natured laugh but it seemed like it was forced.

"S-sure." Rin was totally confused. _"Well… seeing how she keeps rubbing her stomach, she's probably some starving hobo. I'll just make her something something and let her move on her way."_

_"There's something off about her…"_ thought Rin as he led her to the kitchen. Somehow his eyes sailed to the brunette's stomach more intently. He noticed that there was an evident buldge sticking out. _"Oh… My… God… It can't be."_ Rin felt his throat dried and tied to a billion knots as the brunette keep peeking past his shoulder. Silent anger seeping out.

Another corner and Rin accidently bumped into Shima.

"Whoa, Rin! You've been gone for too long or else I'm go…ing… to… oh shit. Natalie?"

"Shima?"

"Shima… do you know this person?" _"Don't you dare lie to me you fucking son of a bitch."_

"Rin. I swear I've got nothing to do with her." _"You're lying. You're lying to me. Just like how you life every fucking night."_

"Shima, I've got something important to tell you."

"Shima why do you keep lying to be every fucking time?" _"Tell me the truth. Before you lose me"_

"Rin, please. I don't know this person. Believe me, I would nev- RIN!"

"Shima, I'm pregnant. Look at me. I'm pregnant with your child."

* * *

Yah. Another chapter done. T^T

It seems pathetic for me to say this but I'm not sure what to write about next. I mean I started this fanfic like "this should happen and this should happen and... OMG I've got to add this and there's no way I can forget about this". Now these ideas seems so boring. Maybe I've gotten boring who knows.

And another thing. I feel like this story is passive. Like there's not much action going on. So I'll try to write more... rich?

This is pretty much the last where you'll see Natalie. She was suppose to be the catalyst for the breakup. Sorry for those who didn't like OC.


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